being vulnerable

I've only just come across this through another blog that I read regularly.

I have since watched it a number of times. For me it seems to explain much of what we go through in supporting someone with PTSD and also what those with PTSD endure. Shame.

I for one have never felt so vulnerable in the last 5 or so years.

In sharing my story of living with PTSD there was definitely a level of uncomfortable vulnerability about it and to be honest a level of shame. But I did it.

I wonder if you have seen this before and whether you can relate to it?

one of those days

Today has been not one of our best. I could feel the tension rising for the past week and we've not mastered the art of diffusing situations before they become a problem. We certainly know what to do, we've been told many times but still can't pull it off.

My Mr has been withdrawing all week and communication has been difficult at times. The level of irritation increasing. All signs that all is not well.

Sometimes I'm good at being calm and understanding then there are others when with everything else going on in life I get cranky, easily. Just human really.

We are both as stubborn as one another so the arguments can go on and on.

PTSD can be so destructive on relationships. We've taken a pounding.

Time to hug a pup I think.


How do you know when you're about to fall in a heap at home?

Do you have any strategies that you use when you can feel the tension rising or your partner withdrawing?

support

I haven't talked to many people about my situation, well that was until I decided not so long ago I needed to share my story.

I find most people don't get it. Nor should they. I believe until you live an experience it is very difficult to truly understand, no matter what the circumstances. War related PTSD and depression can also be hard to explain as is the case with most mental illness. Most people feel they should just 'get over it'.

I had a friend say those exact words to me once and it totally shocked me. Probably won't surprise you to know that from that point on I could no longer share what I was going through with her.

I also find educating those around me on exactly what PTSD is can be tiring. If it was cancer or heart disease we were dealing with people instantly have an understanding but for us it's a slow process.

Over the last year or so awareness of what these Vets are dealing with when they return has definitely increased. It also helps when someone at the top of the hierarchy puts their hand up and shares their own PTSD experience.

I have done umpteen counselling sessions and attended courses and found strength and comfort in sharing experiences with other wives and partners but ultimately it rests with me.

The Partners’ program run at the Heidelberg Repatriation Hospital in Melbourne that is conducted in conjunction with the Veterans’ Psychiatry Service PTSD Program is wonderful - a more skilled, compassionate group of professionals you will not find. The program is informative and educational and provided a safe space to be vulnerable.

Do you have someone who understands you and your situation and will listen? Have you done much counselling?

recharging

I've just downloaded the last two weeks of photos off my phone onto my computer. I'm so glad I have a  tendency to snap away a fair bit. I sometimes need to be reminded of all the lovely bits and pieces that fill my life. Photos do that for me.

I've been away with 3 lovely friends sharing time doing girly things. We walked in the bush, soaked in the outdoor spa, laughed, gossiped, ate, drank, soaked up the cool fresh mountain air, talked about stuff only girls can, ate chocolate, sat by the fire, laughed at each other in our pj's, took photos of the beauty that surrounded us, dreamed of travels, sang together and just recharged.

It takes me a while to relax these days. I'm often just too tired. Anxiety will do that to you. It was so lovely to just go with the flow and allow others to take care of arrangements.

I sometimes forget what it feels like just to 'take it as it comes'. No forward planning, no escape plans, no plan B, no potential for something totally innocent to change the mood, no eggshells, just going with the flow. It feels good.

Everyone needs to recharge but I think those of us living around PTSD probably need it more frequently than most.

Sometimes my recharging can be as simple as a really long sound sleep but a weekend with the girls' was just the tonic I needed this time around.

What do you do to recharge yourself? Do you find yourself feeling tired and worn out?

caring for self

'Me time' can be a foreign concept to many of us while our focus is firmly on caring for a loved one.

The weeks and months can often roll by and time taken to do something just for yourself can be easily pushed to the bottom of the list.

I know in the early days I found this almost impossible even though I know I would have benefited from taking some time out.

While the load was extra hard and heavy, my focus was on just getting through each day.

I now have a slightly different approach.

I have a couple of activities that I know give me some time to myself and also help in lifting my mood.

A walk on the beach by myself, a massage with no talking, time pottering in the garden and picking flowers, an early morning cuppa while my husband sleeps, reading a couple of my favourite affirmation cards, going to the movies alone and a quiet house with no tv all help me to take time out and relax.

I think many of us become quite used to living with very high levels of stress. Having some time for yourself without feeling guilty might be a strange concept at first.

For me it's now essential to have 'me time' factored into my week. I think those in my house all benefit.

What do you do to take some time for yourself? What do you do to relax?