Sunday, August 25, 2013

socially speaking

Being out in the big wide world can be a scary thing at times.

Imagine being out in the world where a car back firing can cause heart wrenching fear, driving in the car produces anxiety way beyond all reasonableness, crowds of people equal danger, unplanned and unknown situations are to be avoided and the simple pleasures of just being social can turn to disaster very quickly.

Exhausting to say the least. 

As a partner I'm now hyper vigilant when it comes to social situations or if we are out in public. I look for potential situations that I know my Mr won't handle and try to intervene or remove us from them.

We are not an easy couple to be around at times. We need understanding and patience and family and friends can understandably tire of this. Being around someone who is constantly depressed is not easy.

Anti-social probably best describes us now. 

A night a home with our pups and our own company seems to work best for now.

How do you handle social situations? Do you find you avoid going out these days?

Monday, August 19, 2013

being vulnerable

I've only just come across this through another blog that I read regularly.

I have since watched it a number of times. For me it seems to explain much of what we go through in supporting someone with PTSD and also what those with PTSD endure. Shame.

I for one have never felt so vulnerable in the last 5 or so years.

In sharing my story of living with PTSD there was definitely a level of uncomfortable vulnerability about it and to be honest a level of shame. But I did it.

I wonder if you have seen this before and whether you can relate to it?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

one of those days

Today has been not one of our best. I could feel the tension rising for the past week and we've not mastered the art of diffusing situations before they become a problem. We certainly know what to do, we've been told many times but still can't pull it off.

My Mr has been withdrawing all week and communication has been difficult at times. The level of irritation increasing. All signs that all is not well.

Sometimes I'm good at being calm and understanding then there are others when with everything else going on in life I get cranky, easily. Just human really.

We are both as stubborn as one another so the arguments can go on and on.

PTSD can be so destructive on relationships. We've taken a pounding.

Time to hug a pup I think.

How do you know when you're about to fall in a heap at home?

Do you have any strategies that you use when you can feel the tension rising or your partner withdrawing?

Tuesday, August 6, 2013


I haven't talked to many people about my situation, well that was until I decided not so long ago I needed to share my story.

I find most people don't get it. Nor should they. I believe until you live an experience it is very difficult to truly understand, no matter what the circumstances. War related PTSD and depression can also be hard to explain as is the case with most mental illness. Most people feel they should just 'get over it'.

I had a friend say those exact words to me once and it totally shocked me. Probably won't surprise you to know that from that point on I could no longer share what I was going through with her.

I also find educating those around me on exactly what PTSD is can be tiring. If it was cancer or heart disease we were dealing with people instantly have an understanding but for us it's a slow process.

Over the last year or so awareness of what these Vets are dealing with when they return has definitely increased. It also helps when someone at the top of the hierarchy puts their hand up and shares their own PTSD experience.

I have done umpteen counselling sessions and attended courses and found strength and comfort in sharing experiences with other wives and partners but ultimately it rests with me.

The Partners’ program run at the Heidelberg Repatriation Hospital in Melbourne that is conducted in conjunction with the Veterans’ Psychiatry Service PTSD Program is wonderful - a more skilled, compassionate group of professionals you will not find. The program is informative and educational and provided a safe space to be vulnerable.

Do you have someone who understands you and your situation and will listen? Have you done much counselling?