keeping it real

More than a month has gone by and I haven't posted here. There are no excuses. We've been riding the depression roller coaster here in this house and it's exhausting. I'm sure most of you are all too familiar with this ride.

It's a pity it's not exhilarating and fun instead being dark, tiresome and something I can't wait to get off.

The constant despair is what I'm finding hard to cope with this time around. It starts to become all consuming and is so hideous the way it finds ways of robbing you of the simple pleasures in life.

Being surrounded by this is a heavy burden and tests my naturally positive state of being.

Even my 'glass half full' approach started to look very empty.

To see someone you love suffering in such a way is nothing less than heartbreaking.

Then last week there was a slight change in mood. Not sure what it was, maybe the last argument we had. The enormous black cloud may have changed to grey, we are aiming for a big fluffy silver one!

Peace and harmony has returned to our house and I can't even pretend to tell you how incredibly happy that makes me.

I'm taking one day at a time, I dare not look too far ahead but I'm certainly not looking back.

If this sounds like what you're going through or have been through with your partner let me tell you, you're certainly not alone.

Take care out there and may we all have a little more light in our lives even it it's just a light shade of grey.

Mel x

journal

This year for the first time I have decided to write a journal. I've never been one to write in a diary so this is a new experience for me. I'm happy to say I'm really enjoying the process.

I've bought crayons, paints, textas, pencils, glitter, glue, coloured paper, stickers, photos, Sharpies of all colours, stamps and I'm having a ball with it. Often I only write a couple of words or pick things I'm grateful for and write about them. It's full of colour and I can honestly say I haven't painted since I was a primary school kid and that's some time ago!

I'm looking forward to seeing what my year looks like according to my journal once December arrives.

I'm sure there will be times when all I want to do is write about what is occupying my mind but for now I'm enjoying the light, bright and breezy feel my journal has.

Who knew crayons and watercolours could be so much fun.

Do you write in a journal?

My morning beach walks have been really stunning of late.

you....

Being my blog I talk all about 'me' here.

I was wondering if anyone out there might like to talk about themselves, share their story (we all have one), tell us how they cope, tell us what works for them and what is a total disaster. Ask a question of others or just pop up in the comments and say hello. Tell me how your world has changed since PTSD became part of it.

I know you're reading (the stats tell me so) but I would love to connect with a few more of you if you feel you want to share. I've got a nice cuppa, scones, jam and cream or caramel slice or even raspberry muffins on offer that I'd love to share with you!

I'm not good at commenting on blogs so I know how it feels. I read, agree and then off I go.

It takes courage to put yourself out there both in real life and online, so of course there's no pressure but if you feel like saying hello this is an open invitation to YOU!

I look forward to hearing from you otherwise I might have to eat all the goodies myself...

Mel x

having fun

As the weekend comes to an end I just told my husband what a fantastic weekend I've had.

There have been lots of laughs, chat, great company with caring happy people, lots of catching up with people near and dear, conversation about others that are doing it tough, seeing people laugh and smile and have a truly great time with each other, delicious food, music, sharing, joy, genuine interest in one another, lots of focus on happy times all while we celebrated my beautiful mum's birthday.

Such an occasion brings people together all with the sole purpose of having fun.

I'm not much of a party person but I do love seeing people really enjoying themselves. My mum is a party girl so we all get to share in and soak up the happy times via her willingness to have a party.

The photo boards were up. These always create so much interest and allow you to remember parts of your life you may not have thought about for many years. Seeing the younger, slimmer version of yourself is always both a confronting and comforting!!

My mum knows how to have fun and fun is what we had.

It feels good to have some fun in your life. Creating memories that will no doubt make an appearance on the photo board next time mum is ready for a party.

Fun is energising. Fun is refreshing. Fun is fabulous.

When was the last time you really had fun?
Do you like to party?

resolutions?

Happy New Year to you! I really do hope 2014 is kind to you and yours. The new year is always full of so much promise. It feels fresh and all shiny and new. It can be a time to reassess what you might hope the year ahead delivers for you or it might just be a time to clear the to-do list and let life unfold.

I'm not a big resolution maker. I'm more the type that cleans out the pantry, sorts the linen cupboard, sifts through my wardrobe ridding it of unloved clothes, and adds pretty new plants to brighten up my garden. That seems to be my way of refreshing life for the year ahead.

So far January has been busy for us with many visitors and the odd party or two. This has caused much anxiety for my husband in trying to be social when all he wants to do is withdraw. January has proved to be a little rocky for him thus far. It's so sad to see what rattles him these days, things that he would have given no consideration to at all prior to PTSD entering his life.

The impatience, the despair, the low moods, the lack of motivation have all returned for now.

We are just taking one day at a time. I'm encouraging him not to look too far forward and catastrophise everything before it has happened!!

I'm looking forward to seeing what 2014 dishes up. No doubt it will unfold just as it should resolutions or no resolutions.

Do you make resolutions each new year?
How do you deal with someone who catastrophises life's events no matter how big or small they might be?

(It's dahlia time in my garden!)