changing focus

This year I was determined to learn a new skill. Something told me that I needed to find an outlet that would shift my focus from all that was happening around me to something that would totally distract and engage me.

I happened to be walking past a lovely new yarn shop in town and there was a nice big sign offering crochet classes. I went in and enrolled there and then and over the next six weeks I began to build my love for this creative outlet.

During winter it was lovely to spend the cold nights with my mind concentrating on my next stitch. There's something very comforting and cosy about being surrounded by yarn.

Initially all I wanted to do was learn enough so I could make a granny square rug. I had no pattern I just knew I wanted it to be colourful and I wanted to experiment and have fun creating.

I found myself totally absorbed in the world of crochet. It made me sit still for at least 30 minutes at a time. I have had to concentrate so as not to muck up the stitches. I've felt calm when just sitting and creating and I've been pleased with what I've managed to make.

I have just finished my second rug. 

A perfect reminder of spring 2013 as this one is full of flowers.

I'm happy to have found this little patch of happiness and creativity. 

I'm hoping crochet will be part of my life for some time to come and encourage me to take time to sit and change focus.

Do you have something that totally changes your focus and allows you to switch off?

nothing like a cuppa, crochet and sunshine

the flower that started it all

granny square love

perfect cosy comfort

 the next obsession, maybelle flowers

starting to come together

Spring creation for 2013

the best therapy

During the last 5 years there has been one constant, our pups. Their loyalty, unconditional love, cuddles, quiet presence, excitement, smiles, understanding and lack of judgement has meant the world to both of us.

It has been interesting to watch the way they just seem to know when to keep a low profile and then lavish you with love when you need it most.

They ask for nothing in return but your companionship, love and a big bowl of food at the end of the day.

I can see why they use dogs in all sorts of therapy situations and the bond that is so often created is so unique it can make my heart ache just to see it.

We love our girls. They owe us nothing. We will always feel somehow indebted to them for the calming influence they have created in our house and their continuous devotion to us no matter what the mood might be.

There is much we can learn from our canine friends. They truly are our best friends.

Do you have a special pet in your life?

loss

This past week while attending a session with our counsellor (she is helping us function as a couple again) we started to talk about the topic of loss.

Strangely that is exactly what I had been thinking about as I walked along the beach that morning. For some reason my thoughts turned to all that had been lost in our lives. And as my brain does it began to make a list.

The loss of health, well-being, employment, income, confidence, self esteem, trust in the system, dreams, friends, opportunities, time, certainty, goals, a way forward, colleagues, ambitions, security, calm, purpose and so my list kept getting longer.

I mentioned to our counsellor that I'm ready to start adding bits back into our lives as constant loss is incredibly unsettling.

There is no quick solution. I practise gratitude every day but there are some days were I feel really ripped off. I think in the world of psychologists this is called 'lack of acceptance'.

We are focusing on adding bits back into our lives, what this will look like is yet to determined but I'm sick of watching so many parts of our lives just dissolve into thin air never to return.

Do you feel like you've experience your share of loss?

sadness

I think most of us who live around loved ones suffering from PTSD and depression feel a level of sadness at times. I know I do and have.

There is the big ugly all consuming sadness that life as we knew it will never return.

Hopes, dreams and expectations have had to be reshaped. Some for the better, some I'm not so sure about.

There is a lingering sadness when I see the man I love struggling with such simple life skills.

There is the unexpected sadness that catches me out at times when I'm least expecting it to.

There is the angry and frustrating sadness that just as we seem to be making progress something trips us up.

There is the daily sadness of of being around someone who largely can only see the negative aspects of their life.

And there are days when for no glaringly obvious reason I just feel sad.

I don't feel depressed but I do feel sad at times.

How about you, do you feel sad and if so what do you do in times of sadness?

just one wish

I like to dream. For me I think it's essential to let my mind drift off to a place which is carefree and calm.

Sometimes when I've done this I have wondered if there was just one wish available to me, what is it that I would change about our current situation?

These wishes have changed over time. Depends largely on what is going on in our world at the time.

At the moment my wish would be to have a '5 second delay' button. A big shiny button that we could both push before words are exchanged, actions taken, feelings hurt and we start to slide backwards.

We are currently working on a way to implement our own '5 second delay' button. Our success has been mixed but we are giving it a go.

Changing old habits is hard. But trying something different is certainly worth it. For us at the moment it requires discipline, trust, honesty, letting go of fear, reflection and courage.

We are trying to use different words when talking with one another, raising our hand when the mood is tense and asking one another what we can do differently.

Until I meet my fairy godmother or find some magic fairy dust to sprinkle over us it will be up to us to find our '5 second delay' button.

Do you have one wish? Have you tried to change old habits and how have you had success?

It's daffodil time in my garden, what a happy flower full of sunshine they are!