Hi there, g’day, welcome.
I've been thinking about my first blog post for some time. I wondered just what I might write, apart from hello!
You've probably ended up here having read my story in the PVA newsletter. As I mentioned there, for me it's time to start and open up the conversation around what it's like living and supporting a loved one suffering from war related PTSD and depression.
I’m really interested to see where the conversation takes us and the support
that we might be able to give each other by connecting through shared experiences
and being able to talk about what we struggle with day to day.
I hope I find you popping in here and having a read and if you feel inclined contributing. I would love to hear from you.
Let's see where this takes us.
Below is my story that I shared in the recent PVA
newsletter.
Something was not quite right. In the days, months and years
to come exactly what was wrong would slowly be revealed.
My husband deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan in 2008. The man
that returned was not the man that I had said goodbye to six months earlier.
This is my story.
On returning home my husband was; withdrawn, irritable,
angry, having nightmares, in pain both physically and emotionally, prone to mood
swings, had sudden explosive outbursts, fatigued constantly, depressed,
increasing his alcohol use, in denial, shut down, silent for long periods,
suicidal and so the list goes on. I was to finally learn this is what acute Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and major depression looks like in real life.
Like many, the true extent and impact of the trauma took
some time to truly come the surface. Along the way what was obvious was it
wasn’t going away any time soon.
PTSD bubbled away intruding on our lives in unexpected ways and
in doing so completely turned our world upside down.
The ripple effect of war related PTSD and depression on
those around the veteran often has a huge impact and for me this was certainly
case.
The grieving for what has been lost, the complete and utter
helplessness felt when it looked like all avenues for improvement had been
exhausted, the fine balancing act that each day required of me, the educating
of family and friends while trying to make sense of what was happening myself,
the transformation of my mate into a person I hardly recognised at times, the
suffering in silence that was often the best way of dealing with a situation
and the exhausting and humiliating process I have endured to access help via a
bureaucracy that treats veterans' akin to tax cheats.
There were periods when there was no light at the end of the
tunnel.
Anyone living with a veteran who is suffering with PTSD and
depression knows the path is often a rocky one. No two experiences are the same
but what does seem to be common to us all in the early stages is the
frustrating inability to help our loved one and to understand what it is that
they are dealing with. I found the isolation, anxiety and loneliness hard. Often
my own anger, resentment and despair would surface. I would often feel totally
overwhelmed.
Five years on… countless counselling sessions, group work,
books, internet searching, soul searching and writing to decision makers to
highlight the huge gaps that still exist in their cumbersome processes, there
are still days when I feel like I know very little about how to manage our new
reality.
One thing I am very certain of. The role we all play in keeping our loved one afloat during
these horribly difficult times is incredibly important.
Often it’s all about them and that’s ok, it needs to be.
However I believe we do need to be heard and acknowledged for the vital role we
play.
For me, I feel the time has come to open the conversation up
to those of us who ‘pick up the pieces’ and ‘keep the fire burning’ while
supporting an acutely mentally ill person.
We are a rare breed but also a growing breed and as others
before us have stuck together to get through the really tough times we will
need to also do the same.
This topic is very personal. In my experience there is still a stigma surrounding mental
illness and ignorant judgment by others can hurt.
There is so much we can share and exchange. The support we
can provide one another should never be underestimated.
I have contemplated for some time what it is I can now do to
connect with others who are going through, and have gone through, a similar
experience to me. I want to talk with others and bring the conversations we
have behind the firmly closed doors of counselling sessions out. If we can talk
more broadly and openly about our experiences then that isolation that can so
often be part of this process might actually start to fade.
This blog will just be a small, quiet space in an otherwise noisy,
crowded and often demanding online world. I intend on sharing a story or an
idea, or I might ponder how we can help one another a little more or share
something that has worked for me or something I am really struggling with.
Sometimes there
will be no words. I’m a prolific iphone photo snapper. I love a good sunrise
and I’m fascinated by clouds so they may make an appearance from time to time.
There could be the occasional rant or vent but I hope it will be a space that
is real, relevant and mostly happy!!
I would like it to focus on us, the partners, and what life
is like for us.
Let’s get talking. After all, we’re all in this together.
We all have a story, what's your story? I'd love to hear it.
Have you had similar feelings to me?
