around we go again

A new year, a chance to wipe the slate clean and start afresh or is it? I've been reading a few of my favourite blogs of late and many seem to be feeling like January is proving to be less than the shiny new year they had hoped for.

It's funny how 1 Jan rolls around year after year and there is an expectation that the year ahead will somehow have a totally different feel to it on that very day. Seems people are setting goals, finding words that they hope to live by, making promises to themselves and generally wanting the year ahead to be different to the one just past.

I'm easing my way into the new year with very little in the way of expectations. I have been able to look back on the year that was and know it took a hell of alot out of me. My festive period was spent avoiding going far from home and then when I was out all I wanted to do was get home. I slept, boy did I sleep. I couldn't believe how much sleep I needed but it was something I was not about to ignore. The last 3 months of last year reduced me to a person that had absolutely nothing left to give by the end.

So 2015 what will you deliver? It's kind of exciting to ponder such a question but then again I'd rather not know. Just serve it up and I'll deal with you as best I can at the time.

One thing I do know is I have two holidays book for the year and the most exciting part a whole 12 months of massages booked, yep they're all in the diary and that's certainly something to look forward to.

I'm hoping for a calm and kind year and will be doing my best to ensure it is just that.

I hope you are enjoying 2015 thus far.

Mel x

silly season

Well December snuck up on us very quickly in this house. The year is all but grinding to a halt but before we shut the door on 2014 there are a few parties to attend, social gatherings to tick off, work functions to endure and then of course family fun over Christmas.

This year has already been different for us. We celebrated Christmas two weeks ago as my folks are heading off overseas next week. It actually felt ok doing Christmas in November. I didn't over buy, I felt calm, there was no lead up we just did it, there were no real expectations of how it should be and I kinda like that.

Social situations are a challenge for my husband still to this day. The feeling of being cornered or in a large noisy gathering never works well. As most Christmas celebrations involve alcohol he feels like he's missing out at times. I'm on alert and find it hard to relax waiting for the sign that we need to leave and leave now!

It can be an isolating time for some and we probably tend to isolate ourselves just so that we make it to Christmas Day in one piece. The expectation that you're out having a wow of a time and moving from one party to the next has never been a reality for me. Bring on the quiet days and small gatherings where you get to talk to friends and find out how life is for them and what they might be planning to do come Christmas Day.

So this 'silly season' I will look forward to minimum fuss, great food, icy cold champagne and small gatherings of family and friends. I haven't done much decorating opting for lights and candles this year. I love having the lights on during the day and of course at night they really are pretty.

I hope your lead up to Christmas is pleasant and come the big day you arrive feeling relaxed and ready to enjoy all that you have planned.

Mel x

August...

It's August and finally I'm back here ready to write something. I'm not even sure what has been keeping me away, but I do know this year is whizzing by.

Let me just rewind a little. The last time I posted we were off on our holiday, seem a lifetime ago. Well there were mixed results with our time away. My husband was totally out of his comfort zone, found the going really tough and had a hard time relaxing so that certainly presented us with a few uncomfortable moments. The positive to come from it all was he could share with me what was going on for him so I didn't have to keep pressing him. We really are still learning how to deal with all that PTSD throws at us. Sometimes we nail it, other times we crumble.

His limits and my limits with his limits!

We did try to keep things fairly flexible. We both decided the best thing to do was come home early. Being back at home was a great move. He felt secure, I could relax and we were back with our fur babies.

So although this wasn't what we had both been expecting we came out of it all reasonably well. A little more thought might be required next time we go away but for now we are happy at home.

We did have some beautiful moments admiring and soaking up the natural beauty of Vanuatu.

On another note, I've been battling DVA for the past couple of weeks. Always something that totally exhausts me. Once I have an outcome on the issue I've asked for clarification on I will share it here as many of you might also face something similar.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother but then I also think if I don't who will?

We've had snow here the past couple of days and that always creates a little bit of excitement around Hobart. Amazing how a dusting of white stuff can make things look oh so pretty! Nice to look back on my holiday snaps to remind me how warm and beautiful the weather was.

off we go...

Soon we will depart on a holiday. We both love seeing new places or at least we did.

Since PTSD started travelling with us things are a little different.

Instead of looking forward to all that might be ahead of us as we venture off I am filled with the awful anticipation of what might happen along the way. That horrible stomach churning anxiety that turns excitement into dread.

Travel is not easy these days but we both refuse to stop doing it.

PTSD has taken much from our lives but travel won't make it to that list.

Airports create a hyper vigilance and level of anxiety that can only be calmed by medication for my husband and don't talk about delays or security!

New places once were exciting and fresh and a level of curiosity abounded until we could get out and explore for ourselves. Now there is a cautious tempered curiosity that sometimes turns into total 'get me out of here' anxiety.

The familiar is good, but the unfamiliar throws up all sorts of threats, real or otherwise, that need to be dealt with. Sometime I'm good at the 'dealing with' but other times I wonder why we leave home.

We try and travel without too many stops and plonk ourselves in one spot for a while rather than being on the go constantly. Many stops and constantly changing places doesn't work anymore.

At least this time we will have a discussion and talk about how we are both feeling before we leave and work as a team while we navigate our way to our destination. We will have a game plan of sorts and try and stick with it until it all goes to custard.

We both know we need to break. So off we will go to discover new places and gain a refreshed appreciation for what we already have on our door step.

Bring on that first cocktail I say!

Mel x

Do you have similar problems when you travel?
Any tips on getting through airports drama free?

cool change

This week it has really felt like winter is well and truly on its way. The autumn colours have intensified and the leaves scattered in my garden seem to multiply every day. I love this time of year.

The short days and cold weather can be hard for some but I find the cosy comfort of home very appealing at this time.

I actually love walking on the beach even more when it's cold and I'm dressed warmly.

It's a great way to clear the cobwebs and to focus on nothing but keeping warm and walking a little faster to stay warm.

The beach is where I go to find a little 'pocket of peace'. To see the day dawn and watch a brand new day unfold can bring hope and the chance to start afresh.

This past week has produced some truly stunning sights which I wanted to share with you.

ANZAC Day treated us well at this end. A day that can go either way. This year it was calm, quiet and meaningful in many ways. The deep sadness that has over shadowed previous ANZAC days' seemed to have been kept in check this year. For that I am grateful.

I'm also very grateful and somewhat overwhelmed with those of you who've found my blog via
baby-mac.com Welcome to this little space of mine and thanks so much for dropping by. Beth never hesitated to post my story and to have such enthusiasm and support is heart warming, thank you Beth x

I hope we can share our experiences. I very much look forward to talking with you here, there's much to share.

What season is your favourite?
Where do you go to find a 'pocket of peace'?